Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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