Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
