I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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