a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
