i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
