She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
