dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
