so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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