Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
never play flip cup with pint glasses
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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