you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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