I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
