I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
