Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
