He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he thought i was a dude.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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