but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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