I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
