Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
