the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
