Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
