i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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