i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
