I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
