I think I am morally bankrupt
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
