I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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