Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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