the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
