hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
