And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
