Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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