I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
