I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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