Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
