I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
