she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think my moral compass just broke
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