my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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