My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
