nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
