I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
