I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
