I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
