Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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