ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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