hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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