when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
