I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
