I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
