So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
