HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
