Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
