I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
