I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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