After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
